Dear Moms-To-Be,

Mother's Day is just a couple days away and of course I am overjoyed and overwhelmed by the tiny human being growing inside of me. My miracle. My gift from God. But I am also heart broken for my loved ones who are longing to feel that little person moving inside of them. Those who are not yet mothers and those who are mothers longing for another child.

I remember a year ago crying through the whole church service and turning down a lunch invitation with our sweet pastor and his family because I was so broken. I was bitter. I secretly envied those women who got to take a potted plant home with them as gift just because someone called them "mom". I went home and cried myself to sleep. I wanted to be a mom. I wanted a baby to need me.

When I was on my infertility journey multiple women came to me to share their own stories to encourage me. I had no idea just how many people had the same struggle as me. In those moments I felt like I was the only one. It made me realize how many women that I didn't even know about were struggling. Some I worked with or went to church with were likely dealing with infertility and I didn't even know.

While I am so thankful for this baby sometimes I do wonder why God has chosen to give me a baby when so many of my friends are still longing for that. It's something that has changed me forever. It has made me more compassionate. Its has made me realize that everyone out there goes through their own secret struggles. That just because people look okay on the outside they are crying on the inside.

As I prepare to welcome  my daughter into the world I think about you and I pray for you often. The best advice I can give you...it will happen. Someday. Maybe not this month or this year. I know so many of you have been waiting so long and some of you have suffered tragedy, but you will have a little one who needs you one day. It won't be when you are expecting it. It will be when God allows it to happen. And let me tell you, when it is in God's timing it is so much more precious. It is so worth the wait.

So hang on. Trust in Him. I am still having to learn to do that everyday. Though I have had nine ultrasounds and I know she is healthy and growing it is still very easy to doubt that she will be okay. Ultimately I know God is taking care of the miracle he has given me. It just amazes me how easily I doubt God sometimes when I have proof that he has taken care of me. So we will do this together. We will trust. We will have faith that one day we will be mothers. So from one mom-to-be to another, Happy Mother's Day. I look forward to the day when we are all sitting around cradling our little ones sharing mom stories! :)

Our Baby Girl: The Rest of the Story

This coming to you from a very happy expectant mommy. Most of you know that we are expecting our first, but you don't know the whole, very amazing story behind this miracle baby.

Our journey to baby began in August of 2010. After fertility treatment, surgery, and a move to Washington, DC we landed at a new fertility doctor. The visit ended in tears, and little did we know what the next three months would produce. Visit after visit, procedure after procedure, test after test, follow up after follow up at Johns Hopkins left us worn out. But the end result...the neurosurgeon and cardiologist cleared me to get pregnant once again. I have brain AVM's and I had a lung AVM that was removed. The whole 2 years leading up to this left us wondering if we would ever get pregnant and questioning why we weren't yet. The answer came at Johns Hopkins when they told me I had a lung AVM. As I well knew those were very dangerous in pregnancy due to potential hemorrhaging. I just never thought I had one. My dad had had them, but it didn't even cross my mind that I was at risk. Initially we went to JH to address the brain AVM's. The lung scan was routine due to family history. I had my AVM removed on Novemeber 6th, and I was cleared to get pregnant.

About two weeks later we conceived our baby girl. Two weeks!!! Literally as soon as I possibly could have gotten pregnant safely I did. Did the fertility doctors or the neurosurgeon or the cardiologist do that? Nope. No medicine. No man made help. God. The Great Physician is the one who is solely responsible for this miracle growing inside me. When I realized the timing of everything I was overwhelmed. After those two years of struggling with infertility God gave me my miracle baby. He did it in is timing. He did it after making sure I was healthy. Looking back I realize His way for me was perfect. He knew I would be a mom one day. When the fertility doctor in DC looked at me and said he wanted me to have a baby, but that he wanted me to be around to raise my baby I thought he was out of his mind for even thinking that. He is what prompted me to get things checked out, but God is the one who was taking care of me through this doctor.

Was our journey here easy? No. Did I handle it like I should have all the time? No. Did I trust God fully the whole time? No. Did I learn to wait on Him? Did I learn that God always has a plan that is best for me? Am I thankful? Yes. Yes. And yes. I wish I would have handled this trial better at times, that I would been patient. How sad it is to me that I ever doubted that God was taking care of me. But I am thankful for what God has brought me through, that he has made me a stronger person, that I can share my story and be a blessing to another hurting woman.

This little girl has made me happy beyond words, and I can't wait to meet her. The past two weeks have been so awesome feeling her moving around in there. Flipping, kicking, punching. I can't get enough of it. Every little movement reminds me of God's girft to me.